• Kimmy

A Constant Fear of Mine

Updated: Feb 21, 2021

If you are human like me, you most likely have a few fears that run on a constant cycle in your brain each day.

My constant fear: Losing motivation in living a healthy lifestyle and then having to start all over again.

Up until the beginning of 2020, I was a yo-yo dieter. Someone who was constantly on diet programs like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. I have been a part of the diet culture since I was about 14-15 when I was taken to my first Weight Watchers meeting... Without going into the deeper story of starting at such a young age and my feelings towards that (I'll save that for a future post), the diet-life was introduced to me right around when most girls start feeling serious pressure about their bodies.

I am someone who goes through the same cycle that most people do. Times when I would be uncomfortable in my skin, get on a diet plan, join a gym, drop 15 pounds, get into good shape, all to plummet back down to my old unhealthy eating habits and gain the weight back. This is the constant struggle that I have and always will have. It takes SO much for me to get motivated to begin and it takes SO much of me to keep going and maintain this positive, healthy lifestyle.

This struggle is something that I pointed out to my nutritionist, Ashley, when I began my holistic process with her. I told her about this habit and how I need help with accountability from someone else to keep me on this healthy train for the ongoing future. I have goals, but I can't just block myself off to one and then "be done with it". I have to work hard to create this mindset of "THIS IS MY LIFE NOW AND THAT'S IT"...and I've learned how important it is to ask for help if you need it.

The thought of plummeting again and having to start over terrifies me. I have worked so hard since February to get back to feeling well from the inside-out and building up a positive mindset. I'm not going to lie, these thoughts keep me up at night sometimes. And these thoughts become even stronger when I eat or do something that I know isn't good for me or my body. However, I try to catch myself when these thoughts emerge and I start getting obsessive or upset. I continuously need to remind myself that I AM HUMAN and I AM NOT PERFECT. While I have tried to stay clear of specific foods for certain reasons, I have always said that I never want to deprive myself of anything. If I deprive myself, I know that I will get frustrated and start giving up on myself.

Starting Looped In has been a great tool to use as a way to keep myself accountable. Most people wouldn't like having others' eyes focused on their road to health or any type of weight loss, but I believe putting myself out there as helped me become stronger and has also made others realize that they are not alone if they are working through the same struggles.

These thoughts are a hardship that I deal with everyday. I am on this voyage to better my life so that someday I will hopefully have my own family and be around for years and years to come while feeling the best that I can. Each day I remind myself what my WHY is. My WHY is so that I always feel good on the inside and so that I can live a long healthy life.


What I want to know: Do you have a constant worry about a specific area of your life? If you would like to share, please leave a comment below!

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