Dating During Quarantine?
HERE WE GO:
I've been wanting to write a post about dating while in quarantine, but naturally I've been a bit hesitant because this is a big part of my personal life. A large portion of this post was written a few weeks back when I was in my feelings over using dating apps during quarantine, but since then I've had to restructure this post a bit with my current day emotions on the topic. While I'm nervous to put something this personal online, I'm also as single as ever, and I know that a lot my readers can relate, so I figured why not!
I've been single for about five years. Five long, but absolutely amazing years by myself. As someone who was in a very serious relationship during high school, through part of college and then dating someone on an off for about a year later on...it was time to figure out the real me and spend some time alone. If you ask my close friends and family members, they'd most likely say that I am totally fine being on my own, but I'm ready for a companion, and the truth is that they are right. Over the years I have gone through plenty of up and down emotions over my relationship status. I have months when I am feeling my strongest on my own, having fun going on dates, and others when I am so frustrated with being lonely and one of the only single girls in my group of friends. Ultimately though, I do believe that I have lived the single life very well and I have embraced it the best that I can. I've never rushed into "settling down." I've always been the type to take life a day at a time and if the right person comes along then, wonderful!
These past five years have been positively wild. I have grown as a woman personally and also professionally. I've had the time of my life traveling, working my ass off, meeting new people, moving to a new city, and trying the dating scene in Manhattan. I quickly realized that dating in the city is a bit different than going on dates in your hometown. Hometown dates are more, "comforting" because you usually know your surroundings and can sometimes make connections from knowing the same people as your date (this can also be a negative thing). However, dating in a big city got me out of my comfort zone and made me more spontaneous. It was refreshing meeting different types of men, going to new places, and having discussions that didn't have to do with our hometown. I was finally getting the hang of the city life when the Coronavirus suddenly struck which has since led me to crashing in Connecticut for about three months.
LIFE BACK IN MARCH:
Attempting to date during the Coronavirus has been interesting. I thought I had experienced all different angles of dating over the past five years until this pandemic hit, but life wanted to throw some spice in there I guess. During my time being single I have dabbled in dating apps like Hinge...I've had nice experiences and others being absolutely weird as hell. So, in March when the lockdown began I figured staying on the apps would be something fun to pass the time. I matched with some great guys, but ultimately the connections slowly fizzled out, per usual.
To give you an idea of a couple of my encounters (see below):
Quarantine Man #1: I felt like we instantly clicked because we had some things in common between living in the city and also having family back in Connecticut. He was funny to talk to and actually made me laugh, which can be hard to do over text...plus he would reply quickly...which is NUTS. A couple of weeks went by and I started noticing that he didn't seem very interested in my actual life because not many questions were asked. It was just a whole lot of mindless texts and requests for "hot" pictures. I quickly realized it wasn't going anywhere so I peaced out.
Quarantine Man #2: Right off the bat I was asked to do a FaceTime date. I was slightly terrified because this was, "the new normal" which was strange but I went with it and scheduled a date. It also made me think that this guy was maybe more mature about things. It *clap* went *clap* so "clap" well *clap*. We chatted for three hours (which also is NUTS) and I thought, aright maybe this can be a good one! The days went by and we FaceTimed once more and then after that things started fading out on his end. A few days went by with no correspondence so I figured I was getting ghosted and I was honestly prepared and not entirely surprised by it. Suddenly I received a long text from him explaining he wanted something else in his life and I wasn't it, basically.
Now let's keep in mind that dating during this time is actually impossible because of the Coronavirus guidelines. We haven't been allowed outside, we can't touch things, we can't touch people, we can't go to bars or restaurants (things are opening up now), we can't even stand next to another person without wearing a mask. So I clearly knew that if I did happen to make a connection with someone, that man would need to try his very hardest to wait it out and meet three months later. THIS ISN'T A THING. THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE. After a couple of weeks you start running out of topics to talk about, you start getting asked for nudes, you start getting interested and maybe even a littttttle bit emotionally into them and then you're supposed to wait months down the line until you can physically say hi to that person!? And hope you actually like them in person!? NOPE, WE ARE DONE HERE.
I deleted Hinge after this.
CURRENT DAY KIMMY:
I am here to tell you now, that I couldn't fall asleep last night...so what did I do? I re-downloaded Hinge. If I'm being honest, I was low-key unhappy with myself for doing this. I have been in a constant deleted/re-downloading cycle and it's downright exhausting. Does anyone else feel this way? The cycle of swiping, going on a date, not finding a spark, feeling frustrated, would delete the app, and then re-download when I am lonely or bored. The fun is gone and I can easily say that I haven't even had the app again for a full 24-hours and I am already over it.
THE BRIGHT SIDE:
On a more positive note, these past couple of months without the apps constantly sending me notifications have opened my eyes to larger things and perspective. Without dating being a priority in my brain has been reviving. I've realized for the first time in a long time that I'd actually like to meet someone in real life...as a human (wow!). While it may be a while until life is back to normal and that can actually happen, I'm not going to put pressure on myself. Don't get me wrong, I do get lonely. My friends can tell you that. Five years without someone to hang around with can be a little disheartening...but I need to trust with time that everything in that department of my life will fall into place.
These past few months have built me to be the strongest I have ever been. Mentally, emotionally and physically. Sure, I'm crashing at my parents, I'm furloughed, and I'm single (wow, I sound like such a catch)...but all of those roadblocks haven't stopped me from becoming the best me. I have taken this time to prioritize my health, spend time with my friends and family, and work on this blog which is something I have always wanted to do. I've learned that life is what you make of it through these hard moments...and I'm not about to waste my time swiping through this one.
Photography by: Elizabeth Coughlan
What I want to know: Do you have any funny stories of dating during quarantine? Do you have a success story?